The Slow Fade

Forget Ethan Craft's slow curve and the promise of the early 2000s. Nowadays (because 2003 was soo long ago...), it's the slow fade. Meaning he asks you out, maybe even takes you out, then either:

a) doesn't even try to slow fade and just never calls,
b) calls, gets in your panties, and then proceeds to act like you don't exist,
c) allows you to torture yourself for a few weeks and wonder what you could have possibly done wrong to scare him off, or
d) assuming he's already done one of the above, suddenly starts texting you at 3am when he's drunk off his ass and feeling lonely.

This is not to say that girls do not make a habit of the slow fade themselves. They totally do. Plenty of my girlfriends just won't respond to a guy they're not interested in. I think the many attempts a lot of the guys make to get to know these girls is actually pretty sweet, but that might just be because I'm used to uncommitted, douche-baggy, two-timing players. Although, I've gotta say-- I was totally the chick who spent most of high school ignoring her Gordo in hopes that an Ethan Craft in the school would finally notice me. And then I lost my shot with Gordo, and want to know why? Because of the slow fade.

This poor guy liked me so much, he was my best friend, and every time he tried to start something up with me (or even if I tried to start something up with him) I'd be into it for a bit until for some crazy reason I started pulling out the asshole-y moves that I'm so used to guys using on me now. The slow fade. I guess karma really is a bitch. Or I'm just yet another 20-something girl too scared to get off her high horse and fall for somebody. I don't know.

Well, shit. Blair says it best.

But if I'm a total bitch, then so are all of you! Why the slow fade? Why not conversation? Tonight I was talking to my grandpa, who literally referred to a woman that he didn't want to "go steady" with quite yet. What happened to the days of going steady? Granted, I don't necessarily think they were the best of days. But at least when the economy sucked people still had romance! Now the economy still sucks and what do we have? We have "Oh my god, he just texted me. Quick! Help me figure out exactly what he means by saying, 'Hey, what are you up to tonight?'"

(Note: It always, always, always means he wants to see you and either a: get in your panties, or b: legitimately thinks you're a cool chick and wants to hang out.)

I just don't understand.

I know communication is a scary idea. Actual human to human interaction. Looking someone in the eye and telling them you're not interested? Just to avoid seeing their humiliation, or avoid feeling humiliated yourself? I'm not saying the 1960s had everything down pat. Judging from Mad Men, men still totally sucked then too. But at least every fight Don and Betty had was face to face and not through a telephone! We've got to stop being afraid to communicate our feelings. If you're not interested in someone, tell them. Use your words! Don't cut them out completely, you could be missing out on a great friendship-- or something that could be amazing somewhere down the line. People who know me are going to say I'm a hypocrite, and I wish I could take my own advice. I'm working on it. And I'm not trying to come off as a man-hater either. Seriously, women are just as guilty of this. Imagine how much easier the dating world would be if we all just actually opened up a bit?

Nobody wants to be the bad guy. But being upfront about your feelings, even if it is at the expense of another's feelings (within good reason, of course), isn't bad-- it's being honest. Something I think a lot of people will thank you for. 

Mmk now go get drunk and tell everyone all the things you're too afraid to say sober. God knows we're all extremely good at that.

Happily Never After?

So, here's the thing. This isn't going to be some generic "here's who I am and what I do" introductory post. Personally, I think those are dumb and should really just stick to the unbearably corny "About Me" pages. Don't worry, I don't plan on having one of those for the time being. But for now, here's what you need to know. I'm in college, I'm as single as single gets, I'm 50% bitter about it and 50% content with it, my friends are awesome, and I've just entered into the not-so-promising decade of being 20.

Anyway, the other night I was at a 21st birthday party (one of many I've attended in the past three months). I love birthdays, I really do. But 21st birthday parties are kind of just on my shit list. What bothers me about 21st birthdays is that they tend to be huge parties, which is all good and fun if you know everybody. But nine times out of ten my night ends up with me either a) barely knowing anyone and therefore deciding to get rip-roaring drunk Nick Carraway style, or b) knowing everyone, disliking everyone (superficiality and spray-tanned men don't really appeal to me), and therefore deciding to leave. The latter of which usually results in me coming home and writing up something on my laptop about our generation (the millenials) sucking.

(*Note: I truly, honestly love birthdays-- and I love celebrating them with my friends. But rather than having a lot of relatively close friends, I have a number of very close friends that I can count on my two hands, and I'm just not really into big parties anymore. The birthday dinners with the people who matter most to me are what I most look forward to.)

Here's the thing though. We don't really suck. Truth be told, I'm actually proud to be a millenial. We've made so many amazing moves toward progress, and yet at the same time we've taken so many steps backward. I think in the long run it's going to be fun trying to figure out a way to incorporate the good values of the past with the promising values of the future. But that's a tangent and besides the point. What's really on my mind? The nonsensical, never-ending game that is dating/hooking up/seeing/talking to someone. (I mean, what is "dating" really anymore? Can you even be dating someone if you're not sleeping with them? Is that a thing?)

What the FUCK people? When did this get so complicated? From what I've heard, back in the day, it went a little bit like this. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy falls in love and asks love-sick girl to marry him, head-over-heels chick says yes, and boy and girl live happily ever after, just like Cory and Topanga. But no, apparently modern day human beings don't have souls. Or if they do, their souls are now guided by their penis/vagina rather than their heart. There's a serious lack of Cory-perfection going on here.

This is the thing that ticks me off. In college, I see the same patterns repeated and repeated. I'm even guilty of some of them, which ticks me off even more because I try not to be. I try to tell myself that the fairytale happily ever after is only a myth, that it doesn't really exist. Because really, no relationship I've seen between two people my age has been as simple as it is in the movies. And maybe it's not meant to be. But does that mean we have to settle?

Does this far-too-optimistic view of "happily ever after" mean anything anymore? Or are we just kidding ourselves by constantly going through the ups and downs of toxic after toxic relationship to discover if there's even a chance of it being a reality? I don't know. What I do know is that I am constantly blaming men when it comes to potential relationships that fall short of a happy ending.

"He didn't want to be too committed."
"He wasn't ready for a relationship."
"The last girl he was with broke his heart, he's not sure when he'll be able to trust again."
"Well, I really like him, and of course I wouldn't want to see him with anybody else, but for now I guess we're just hooking up."

Anybody ever heard their friends say anything along the lines of the above? I hear it all the time. Sex seems to be everything in college. For someone who doesn't spend her weekends looking for someone to take home, it's a little hard to wrap my brain around. I get it, we're all horny wanna-be somethings one day, constantly chasing after something we don't think we could ever get.

When's the chase going to stop though? When are the 20-something men and women of the world who are genuinely looking for love, genuinely looking to settle down, going to realize that while sex may be a great way to catch someone's attention, it provides little to no guarantee of the future. Sex used to be something important. It used to be intimate, and now it's just... sex. Immediate pleasure and satisfaction used to fill a void that most of us don't even realize is there. Why is our generation so closed off to love? To romance? Why is our generation making strides in so many other spheres, and yet one of the things we seem to be most skilled at is fucking up our love lives?

We know so much about where we should be in our careers at 20-something, but so little about the importance of having someone who loves you (mom and dad excluded) beside you to share in your triumphs and help you through your defeats. Am I the only one who thinks there's something wrong with that?

And on that note, Olivia Pope said it best.